It’s not just business. It’s life. If you think your business, either the one you own, the one where you partner, or the one where you are employed, are part and parcel separate from the rest of your existence, you’re wrong. It’s simply not possible, it’s all a part of the make-up of your daily life. It’s all part of your story, and when you share your story you win, we all win, in business and in life.
Everyone has a story.
I am Mark Brodinsky and this is Storytelling for Business.
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Our love is unconditional
We knew it from the start
I can see it in your eyes
You can feel it from my heart
George Strait, lyrics from I Cross My Heart
Randi Stokes still remembers her unique mother-daughter relationship. Time, as Randi would learn at an early age, was fleeting. There’s only so much of it you get to enjoy, and only so much time to spend with the people you love, so make the most of it. Every minute, every second counts. It was a serious wake-up call for an 8-year-old girl and a life lesson she continues to teach.
Randi’s mom didn’t have much time.
“My mom started to feel sick,” says Randi. “She went to the doctor and was told she had the flu, felt very run down. She continued to work, but after four or five months she wasn’t feeling any better. She went back to the doctor and told them she had pain in her back. A trip to a different doctor and we learned the real story of her illness, my mom was diagnosed with lymphoma.”
Still in the first decade of her life, the news stung. Randi had already suffered the loss of one of the strongest men she ever knew, her grandfather. Randi’s parents were divorced and she and her mom had been living on-and-off with her mom’s parents. Randi’s grandmother had already battled back from lung cancer, and then her grandfather was diagnosed with ALS.
From here on after
Let’s stay the way we are right now
And share all the love and laughter
That a lifetime will allow.
“My grandfather was so strong,” says Randi. “Six feet tall, served in the Marines, but this was an advanced case of ALS. He got sick pretty quick. You don’t realize at my age, I was only 5-1/2, what is really going on.
They moved medical equipment into the house. I was always very close with my grandfather and even in his illness, we were still inseparable. I remember when he was sick, I would curl up in bed next to him and read him stories. I can’t tell you exactly how long he fought, but when he passed away it was life-changing for my family. He was the one who took care of everything. He owned restaurants and he always made sure the bills were paid, but now the bread-winner was gone. My grandmother and my mom took some of the life insurance money and put themselves through nursing school. They both found their place in the world taking care of people who couldn’t take care of themselves.”
But now it was Randi’s mom, Ricci, who needed some loving care.
Randi says her mom tried to hide her illness from her young daughter. “She kept working,” says Randi. “She told me she was going to be OK. She was getting big doses of chemotherapy and radiation and I could see she was in pain. She couldn’t really lay down, she had to sit in a chair in the living room because the pain of the cancer and the fluid build-up, it was putting too much pressure on her heart. The doctors went in at one point to remove the fluid and found the cancer was worse than they thought.”
You will always be the miracle
That makes my life complete
And as long as there’s a breath in me
I’ll make yours just as sweet
Knowing she didn’t have much time, Randi says her mom tried to make up for what she knew she was going to miss. “My mom tried to teach me things as fast as she could,” says Randi. “We’d watch movies, movies like Dirty Dancing, (she taught me about some of “that stuff” early on). I always annoyed her by doing all the lines in the movie. We loved country music and we’d always listen to George Strait, he was the favorite for me, my mom and my grandmother. It still continues to this day.”
Randi’s mom eventually found her way to AD Anderson in Houston, Texas. As things got worse Randi was called to her mom’s bedside. Randi says: “It played out just like in the movies. I sat there with my mom and she told me, ‘I’m not gonna be here, but I’ll always be watching over you and love you.’ “Then she made me go lay down and go to sleep in the hospital room. About 20 minutes after I fell asleep she said her goodbyes to everyone else, including my grandmother, who had so say goodbye to her only daughter.”
As we look into the future
It’s as far as we can see
So let’s make each tomorrow
Be the best that it can be
What Randi didn’t know in the moment was her tomorrow began the day her mother passed away. “I’m an old soul,” says Randi. “I grew up really fast, not cause I was forced to, but because I wanted to. This is part of my story, I don’t say I’m going to hold on to it and say this is the only thing there is. I still don’t like knowing what it’s like not having my mom around. It was world-changing in more ways than one.”
Randi says the day of her mom’s funeral her dad talked her grandmother into letting Randi come visit. But as it turned out, Randi stayed with him. Her dad had created a new family and Randi was about to become one of that new tribe.
“I went from being an only child, to having four sisters,” says Randi. “As hard as the transition was, I couldn’t ask for better circumstances. My step-mom, Lucinda, and I are so close. She would always say she didn’t give birth to me, but I am one of her own. She would say, ‘When she hurts, I hurt. When she bleeds, I bleed.’ “When I first moved in I had headaches and trouble sleeping. My step-mom would stay up with me and we’d watch a ton of old movies, including the Barbara Streisand film, The Main Event, about being a fighter. I also grew to love Motown, that came from my step-mom. Nobody would listen to the music with her except me. We would drive my sisters crazy with it.”
It was Randi’s new sisters, Jamie, Sam, Shauna and Franki who also changed and developed Randi’s new world and outlook on life, especially Franki. “My baby sister Franki and I are so close. She was only a few months old when I moved in and I would beg to hold her and to feed her. She knows my deepest, darkest secrets because she couldn’t talk. She’s 27 now and we still do a lot of the same things and love a lot of the same things.”
I cross my heart
And promise to
Give all I’ve got to give
To make all your dreams come true
Randi says despite all the transition, she always excelled in school. It came easy to her. She loved reading and as far back as the third grade she joined a storytelling group, memorizing written pieces from stories like the Man from Snowy River and studying Shakespeare. “I read works of art and how it related to theory in the present time. I love Shakespeare,” says Randi.
It is not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in ourselves. – William Shakespeare
For Randi, her next move in life was exit, stage right.
At 20-years-old she moved out of her family’s home and went off on her own to find work, her search led her into the world of insurance. Her first job was as an underwriting assistant at National Life and then eventually on to a company called UICI as an assistant to the VP of compliance. It was at UICI that she learned of a position opening up to become the assistant to one of the leaders of that organization, Troy McQuagge.
“I still remembering interviewing with Troy,” says Randi. “It was one of the most nerve-racking things I ever experienced. He gives nothing away. Does he like me, doesn’t he like me? I couldn’t tell. I didn’t hear back until I got a phone call to ask me to come see him do his pitch for an upcoming convention. I listened to how he was writing it and pitching it. Afterward the home office group went to lunch and there he announced I was the newest employee, working as his assistant. Everyone else warned me it’s going to be late nights, if he’s working, you are working. They weren’t kidding. I worked all the time. My family couldn’t understand why I was working so much. I told them I’m working not for today, but for later. If I want to learn, I need to do this.”
Randi says she only worked for Troy for about a year-and-a-half and he became a friend as well. But the insurance company had been sold to a private equity firm and Randi didn’t like the direction it was going, so she says she sat Troy down and told him she was leaving. Troy eventually left the company as well, retiring from the insurance space, at least for the time being. But Randi says other things in his life were changing as well. A long-time relationship Troy was involved in was ending and he was going it alone, helping to raise his two boys, Wesley and Connor. Randi says Troy confided in her about his situation and the two started to develop a new bond.
After a conversation with her step-mom Randi says, “I started to realize I might care for Troy more than just a friend. I was seeing him more than just a CEO or boss, but got to see him as a dad and a man. Somewhere along the line I fell in love. With so much going on in his life I guarantee you he was not on the same path that I was and it took him a while for him to say he had the same feelings. But we’ve been together for nine years now and I can tell you he is the most important thing in my life. I have never met anybody like him. There are no real words to describe who Troy is – not just charismatic, not just a good soul, not just a big heart – not a word that accurately describes him. He’s all these things and more.”
Randi’s work travels eventually brought her to the doorstep of USHEALTH Advisors, where she currently serves as Assistant Vice-President of Agency Operations. Troy was eventually lured out of retirement to come and lead the same insurance company and as Randi says, to help us and teach us how to run a successful business.
USHEALTH has continued to grow and thrive in the individual insurance space, setting record after record, and its success has run parallel with Randi and Troy’s relationship. “I finally understood what my step-mom taught me about coming into a ready-made family, like I had done all those years ago. And as I grew closer with Wesley and Connor, I could truly understand her point-of-view and how you can love somebody even if they didn’t come from you, especially if you allow it to, just like she loves me.”
Randi’s life with Troy and the boys continued to flourish, until suddenly, it took a turn, deep into the abyss. It’s a place from where only the strongest among us can return, the loss of a child. It was May 26th, 2016 when Troy and Randi got the word: Connor, serving as a Navy Gunner’s Mate Seaman, died from non-combat injuries aboard the USS Harpers Ferry in the Red Sea. Troy and Randi were in Cabo, San Lucas, hosting a company rewards trip, when they got the word.
And if along the way we find a day
It starts to storm
You’ve got the promise of my love
To keep you warm
The loss of a child, the grief, the anger, the acceptance, the comeback. A little more than a year later – time has done what time does, that thing that no one can truly explain, but know in some strange cosmic touch from the universe, helps to heal, no matter what the loss.
“I definitely feel the void,” says Randi. “I was closer to Connor because he was younger. I wanted to always make sure he knew he was loved. I love being a Texan and love this country and this past year my patriotism has grown even stronger. Connor opened my heart to loving this nation even more. I still remember the moment he told Troy he wanted to serve this country. Connor wanted to make the world a better place.”
The experience of such a tragic loss also made Randi appreciate, even more deeply, the love and the special culture of USHEALTH Advisors.
“I’ve always considered them to be family,” says Randi. “About six months ago, the entire home office chipped in and had two benches made for Troy and I. One of them sits at the cemetery where Connor is buried. Then there is one for us, which sits just outside my office. It has an anchor pillow and a flag pillow and it reads, In Honor of Connor A. McQuagge. I can look out my office door and see it at anytime.”
In summing up her life, with all she has experienced and with so much left to live, Randi says she knows that, “no matter what, life is beautiful and tough, but gives you scars in the most beautiful way. No one gets out unscathed, as everybody has something that changes the course of their lives. It may be dramatic, but it doesn’t have to define you. Somebody might look at my story and see that I have endured a lot of loss, but I have also experienced a lot of love. So much love. I loved all of those I’ve lost as much as I possibly could and I like to believe they loved me as much too.”
In all the world
You’ll never find
A love as true as mine
Until next time thanks for taking the time,
Mark Brodinsky
Mark Brodinsky: Author, Blogger, Speaker, Speech Writer, Emmy Winner
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