Moments: Observations of Life

A blog is born. It’s time. No time to wait. In life you should do one of two things: get going or get out.

So let’s get going.  A blog, huh?  At first I was nervous to move over to an open forum, to try and host a blog. For those of you who have been reading anything I have written in 2012, it’s over at the caringbridge.org website, where I started posting when my wife Debbie was diagnosed with breast cancer back on April 13th of 2012.  All will be fine, though it’s been quite a journey and it’s not over just yet.  But for anyone here who wants history and wants to know more of the story and where this all began, its www.caringbridge.org, search debbiebrodinsky.  Read “My Story”, the Journal entries, the Guestbook.  You’ll get the picture. It’s all there in black and white, and in color, if you look at my perspective on the whole thing… red, green, pink, (plenty of pink) and some dark blacks.  Emotions, the good, the bad and the ugly permeate the pages. That’s the genesis of me landing here and this is kind of like a spin-off.  Kinda like when Happy Days gave birth to Laverne and Shirley.  Or All in the Family launched The Jeffersons, or… well, you get the picture, but heck I’m dating myself.  If you were born after 1970, none of that made sense anyway.

So let’s get to the point.  What I would like to do here is in the title above. In fact, this may be the permanent name of my blog, but I have no idea exactly how to do that yet. I figured I would start writing, then extract all the gory details of blogging later.

But what do you blog about?  That is what troubled me for about 10 minutes earlier today.  Then it got easy.  It’s all about Moments. Every day you have them, experience them, but don’t always pay attention. So with that in mind, there’s a reason I decided to launch today.  It’s # 13. I actually mentioned this briefly in one of the posts over at caringbridge.org, but today the number becomes even more significant. So I am taking it to heart and going for it.

13.  The place I began my first career in Baltimore, at Channel 13.  The number of my mailbox at my new career at New York Life. 13. April 13th, the day Debbie came face to face with her greatest challenge, breast cancer,  and well, last time I checked its now the year 2013.  But there’s another significance and an even deeper meaning to today. The birth of this blog is in honor of the birth of my first, Sophie Rose, who today turns 13. A teen.

How did we get here?  Any one who has ever raised a child asks themselves that same question daily. Every story is different and every experience gives new hope and new heartache and every Moment is …. well, worth it.  It was on this day back in 2000, in the middle of the afternoon my Moment happened. It’s the one no one ever prepares you for, because they can’t. It’s impossible.  I will never forget someone telling me prior to Sophie being born, (a close friend who was a Dad), that he thought I was as ready and prepared and excited as anyone he ever met… and he promised me I still had no idea of what was about to happen.

I thought he was crazy, now I give him credit.

At 3:41 on January 9th, 2000, it happened. That Moment. You can’t be prepared, you can’t imagine what it’s like, you can’t fathom the depths it will touch your heart. I remember months later, post birth, watching Matt Lauer talk about the birth of one of his own children. He talked about it in a way that made perfect sense and I’ve never forgotten, cause he was so dead on.  Why do you cry at the birth of your child, when it’s such a happy occasion?  It’s simple.  Never before in your life, until that moment have you ever loved something so much, so quickly, so deeply, that there is nothing left to do but let it out… or explode. Let’s face it, you don’t love your parents when you are born, you only want to cry because you’re cold, you just pooped or peed, or you need to suck on a boob. Otherwise, other people don’t matter, it’s simply survival and you simply want help doing it.

You don’t fall in love with your spouse like that. Sure I know there’s love at first sight, but you don’t walk up to her and start crying!!  If you do, you’ve got deeper problems.

Besides more people start crying AFTER they’re married.

No, it’s that baby. That life, that you and someone else, your spouse if you’re so fortunate, created together. That’s some serious stuff.  It’s love, magnified, intensified, outrageously expressed and rolled up into a couple of pounds of bawling, slimy flesh. But it’s G-d’s ultimate miracle and it’s right in front of you. How do you NOT cry?

So today, miracle number one, Sophie, turns 13.  Before I came down to blog, I peeked in on her one more time, fast asleep. It’s such a beautiful thing. Sleep that is. 🙂  Nah, watching her sleep, watching both my girls sleep.  When they’re lying there safe in their beds with their eyes closed, its peace at its finest and purest.  The life I helped create – dreaming, growing, full of hope, promise and adventure. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.  It’s Sophie who allowed me to accept and take on life’s greatest responsibility. I’ve told her before – and for that reason she will always be special in my heart – she made me the one thing I could never have been without her, a Dad. A few years later, Emily doubled the miracle, and I love them both equally, I really do.  But Sophie will always get to claim the title, it was her first breath that took mine away. Forever.

So, Happy 13th Birthday Sophie Rose Brodinsky.  Now you’re a teenager and my gift to you are my words as I give birth to this blog and what I hope will be the start of something as big as I’m dreaming it can be.  You have my heart and my gratitude for the gift you give me every second of every day.  Every time I hear you say “I love you” before you leave for school, I always pause for a moment to let it sink in.  I still remember, and will never forget the first time you told me.  We had just cleaned up your toys from your 2nd birthday party. I was sitting on the sofa, you walked over to me, threw your arms around me and said “I love you Daddy”.  To this day I can still picture it, and it still touches the deep confines of my heart, the incredibly vulnerable place that is now reserved for you. And always will.  It’s yet another Moment to live on for all time.

Yes, Moments are what it’s all about… and every day they happen, if you just take the time to notice. Folks we’re just getting started.  Til next time, thanks for taking the time.

Mark